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"omg SO much!!! I feel like I should blog about it... eh not sure. maybe I'll save it for a vlog. So on Tuesday I had a psych appointment and everything was going fine, until we called my mom back and asked her for the meds I needed refills for. For whatever reason she FUHLIPPED out and was like "Sloane can't live here until she gets residential treatment" and wanted to send me to a psych hospital for them to essentially babysit me until I could go somewhere. She was saying she would either take me, call an ambulance, or go to a magistrate (not that a magistrate would have involuntarily committed me, but whatever). I figured the easiest thing to do would be to just go. ALSO I have NO idea what set this off all of a sudden. I had no clue it was coming and neither did my doctor. My dr didn't bring it up during the appointment but seemed supportive of my mom's "ultimatum." The only thing I can think of is that it was the first time in a long time my mom brought me to an appointment and I guess she jumped on the opportunity to vent her anger? Idk. I keep asking and she said she just thought of it during the appointment?? weird. whatever. ugh. SO anyway, they wanted to take me to U## but they have an EDU and I didn't want to get admitted there, so I said no and my doctor said to go to D###. I went to the ER and was deemed medically stable and not in a psychiatric crisis, so they couldn't involuntarily admit me. I was so upset and caught off guard, I don't think I've cried so much in my life. My parents left and told me I couldn't come home. I had no where to go
I called my friend and she picked me up at midnight! I stayed with her
that night, Wed, and Thursday. I didn't have any meds during that time
either. I met my therapist 2x on wed and my mom in the evening and it
was crazy.. she kept saying the same things like "I can't support this
behavior any longer, I want to get you better (UM HELLO YOU CAN'T DO IT
FOR ME!), I can't have you die, etc." I initially kept pushing me doing
outpatient treatment because I just started with a new therapist, asked
to start seeing a nutritionist, and REALLY wanted to take classes next
semester- I'm actually registered for them I asked to meet her so I could get my meds but she brought 2 packed bags for me instead. I felt like she was moving me out!!
I got really angry at the end because even after I agreed to go to
residential she didn't have a plan for where I would go, how to pay for
it, and still wouldn't allow me home. I did not handle things well after
that... and I know I should tell my doctors but I just... can't. don't want to. yeah. Anyway, so then my friend brought me back to her
house OH and I left with one of the bags, unfortunately not the one with
my meds. I asked to meet her again and she could only come Thursday
evening. great. I told my friend what happened and was like sobbing on
her before I was about to meet my mom on Thursday. OH and my friend and
her whole family were going out of town and I didn't know where to go...
like if I could stay there alone or not. Just mega stress. Plus ED=not
good, gotten worse with all the lack of meds and drama. I asked my
friend if I should go to a psych hospital and she didn't give me a
definite yes or no, but I think kind of thought I should. I was also
desperate to start talking with my mom and get all this figured out and I
knew one little thing could set me off to do something impulsive. I
called my mom and said I was worried about my safety and thought I
should go to the hospital. She was like "are you going to be compliant?
you aren't playing me? blah blah" thankss mom. So she took me and I got
to a room in the ER right away.. oh and it was U## this time. They made
sure I was medically stable then put me in the psych ER. I tried to talk
to my mom and SERIOUSLY I've been honest about everything, except b/p once and what
happened on wed night, but like every time I would talk to her she would
make an excuse to get up and I would here her talking to the nurse
about everything I had just said. Some of what she was saying was valid,
but others were like... SO exaggerated. She said I burn myself on a
regular basis UM WHAT?! ONE time I did ONCEEE and I horded matches just
because idk it made me feel safe, but then she says I do it 24/7.
ughhhh. she doesn't know what I do!!! and there were some other things
like I've binged on butter EWWW!?!!!! NO! and vomit tons of blood (ok...
if I hemorraged, YOU WOULD KNOW! plus.. you're getting this from one
time when I clogged the toilet and didn't clean it up, and I happened to
eat red food. I've never gotten up anymore blood than I would if I had
flossed really hard. ughhh. I get you're concerned but you're really
undermining my credibility and I'm not going to agree with what you're
saying because its NOT right!!!) sooo where was I.... oh yeah she kept
telling the nurses everything I was saying so I finally said look, I'm
20. Stop lying to me about you talking to them I CAN HEAR YOU! Just
because I have psych issues doesn't mean I don't deserve respect. and on
everything, its her word against mine and who would believe the biased
patient?? So I asked her to leave and put a hold thing on my file? so
the doctors couldn't talk to my parents. I stood and watched her go..So back to my story... I watched her go then like 30 minutes later I got transferred from the medical/psych room to the legit psych ER room. On my way over I saw my mom talking to ANOTHER nurse! UGHH! I couldn't even look at her. She's overstepped so many boundaries, I want her off my consent forms for everyone. I'm keeping tabs on this. I've lost so much trust I had for her. I went back to the psych ER room and it was very tiny with a bed an a tv.. not too awful compared to the other places I've been. I slept there thursday night and got transferred up to the unit last night at 9:30 ish. I emailed my mom stuff to bring me. I'm basically agreeing to do treatment so I can NOT be homeless and can have financial stability upon discharge. I know I need to move out, so at least this will buy me some time to get things together. Maybe I'l get something out of treatment? I kind of feel like I'm faking it til I make it kind of thing at this point. If I were to say I want my Ed 100% out of my life, I'd be lying. You don't go from being in your Ed strongly to a complete turn around overnight. I feel like my mom wants me to tell her that though, but I'm trying to be honest. I want to be stable enough to be in school. Who knows, I could get something out of treatment? I just feel very uncomfortable with my weight ATM and I don't want to be triggered- although that will probably happen wherever I go... *sigh* I don't know."
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